He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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