I hate your face
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
