Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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