First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
