She is in my trunk
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
