Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
