Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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