How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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