ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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