They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
