I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
