Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
