I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
