The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
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Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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