This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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