ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
