"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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