If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
