She's JV to your varsity
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
