The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Randomize
