She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Girls should come with a carfax report
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
