um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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