Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
