i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
