my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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