He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
