One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
