Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
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i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
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Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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