We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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