the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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