So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
