You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
