Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
