you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
