Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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