It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
