I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize