Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
