highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
