she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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