Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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