you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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