His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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