Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
