mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
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She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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