plz talk dirty to me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
