The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
