I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
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Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
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Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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