I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
