There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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