get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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