I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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