We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
