I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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