I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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