watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
