I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
