My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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