I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
