I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
