Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
