i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
