Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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