meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
