he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
