yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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