All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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